Forgive Me

I don't know exactly what to say to you

I don't know how to help you understand my point of view

I can't take anything I did or said back

I can't change or erase the past

I apologized from the bottom of my heart

I pray that you give me a fresh start

All I can do is wait and see

With hope that you will forgive me

Missing You

I miss you my dear friend
Your life, too soon, came to an end

It feels like a hundred years since I last saw you
You had hid yourself away, far from everyone's view

You struggled so much in this life
A series of miserable moments and strife

Your depression was all too real
Sometimes it was the only way you could feel

You wrote poetry to find release from the pain
And you were never certain of the love you would gain

All you sought was acceptance from this world
You, as a lost and lonely little girl

You gave so much of yourself to help others
Especially your sweet younger brothers

I remember you told me that I was a light
To shine in this miserable world, and be so bright

I remember telling you the same
But you only bowed your head in shame

The problem wasn't the world you see
It was that you had given up on your belief

Your life began with a struggle to find your way
To keep going whatever someone else might say

You were happy for a time when I came around
You just weren't meant to remain earth bound

I wish I could have done more for you
And said more things that brought you truth

I think about you now, nineteen years after your death pact
I wonder about your spirit, do you ever look back?

You used visit me frequently in my dreams
You showed me that nothing is as it seems

There's another world for you over there
And you were so happy to share

I haven't seen you there for so long
I wonder if anything is wrong

Maybe you just can't remember me
Maybe we are too far apart now to be able to see

I hope your afterlife has brought you peace
And if you can come to me again, do so please

For I miss you my dear friend
You made it out of here in the end

This is Home

 This is Home...

This is where my heart lives
Where the sun goes down
Painting a blend of colors
In whispy clouds
Across the sky, touching the land
In yellows, oranges, reds,
Purples and blues
All the range - all the emotion

This is Home...

This is where my soul abides
Where the landscape covers itself
With yellow and blue flowers, tiny and perfect
Agave and Ocotillo bloom red
Amid the greens along the desert floor
Mountain ranges surround the sound
Of winds heavy and slow
All the energy - all of the growth

This is Home.

I Trust Your Process

Though I may struggle with the notion of the possibility
that you could participate in an act of utter betrayal,
I decide to keep my heart open anyway.

I choose to believe in the idea that any such act of betrayal is simply
something you would never do.
Though sometimes, I can hear your thoughts and I wonder
how you go about questioning yourself.

This is your personal process
that I do not interrupt, it is a phase you are going through.
I ultimately trust in the idea that you are changing for yourself.
I trust in the idea that I truly do know you.

To Honor Love

Only from a distance, curiosity be admired
Out of reach, the forbidden fruit is desired
Seeking the love within truth as a flame
Bright in its freedom has yet to claim
To greet the path once chosen is beset
Finding comfort in the union of no regret

Steady, the breath gives life its torch each day
For the harshness of the wind can blow this wild fire away
The stand for devotion weds the commitment as true
But the wandering eye proves unfaithful, admittedly too soon
Ancient laws of love provide the everlasting warm glow

Where love is consistent and reliable,
Allowing the embers to burn slow
The youthfulness of love lights those flames
That burn against the wind, undyingly
The heart stays open, so eager to learn and to grow

I Loved

I have loved a boy
 when I was but a girl
I have loved a man twice my age
 when I was too young to know
I have loved a schemer
 when I was finding myself
I have loved my best friend
 when I needed to be one
I have loved a mechanic
 when I wanted to learn more
I have loved the nameless
 when I was unbalanced
I have loved and was married to a man for many years
 when I wanted to feel secure
I have loved a firefighter, an addict, the faceless, men of another skin,
I have loved the lost soul, an Indian cowboy, an army man
 All when I needed to, all an extension of myself
I have loved many, broken and whole
I loved them all with my heart and soul
But none of them have I loved so true
 or as deeply as I have loved you

New Year, New Perspective

 My dreams are the gifts that open the ideas
Within my intention where the reality becomes tangible
I do not idealize my dreams as fairy tales
Even through their whimsical fancies
 Having a life purpose is unique to my own destiny
I choose to use creativity and bring to life my dreams
Giving those gifts as a return to anyone that cares to see
Even through the expression of a darker side of me

  Each New Year brings a fresh and matured perspective in knowledge, wisdom and growth. Through it all, the light, the dark, and everything in between, I hold true to my dreams and the care of my soul.